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Mar 12, 2024

23 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (July 18

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

Somehow the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.

Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous 14 days. Read on for 23 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

I don’t know why but I am more excited for fall this year than ever!-my wife during the first week of August, every single year.

Marriage comebacks are like, “Well, at least I wasn’t the one who left the ranch dressing out on the counter last night.”

If you like a person to show up and block the kitchen sink every time you’re using it, you may want to consider getting married

I asked my husband for help putting the laundry away so naturally he’s across the house hanging shelves I asked him to hang 8 months ago.

What's the worst thing your spouse can yell while running out the door, late for work? Because I just heard mine say "I think that's a black widow's nest right there!"

Here’s how I get my husband to fix stuff: I threaten to hire a handyman. Follow me for more marriage hacks.

Anyone else get mad when they overhear their husband on a work call? Like where is this happy, energetic, social person when I want to talk to him?

There comes a point in marriage when The Home Depot becomes a strong contender in where you go for date night.

My husband couldn’t find the step ladder in the garage. It was hiding behind plain sight.

Don’t know if my mother-in-law is talking about a Netflix show she likes or a family member she hates and she’s so deep into the story I don’t think she knows either.

*Package arrives*Husband: “what’d you get now?”Ring is a little bitch. Always telling on me. 😂🙄

Spin Instructor: you have to register at the front desk firstme: oh, I'm just here because my wife is out of town so I need somebody to yell at me for a little bit SI: ah okay, grab a bike

Me: I wouldn’t trade my husband for anything in the world. Friend: How about a year of free donuts?Me: Where should I drop off his clothes?

Out for a walk in the neighborhood with my wife and she goes “Oh there’s your friend!” I look up thinking she’s talking about one of the humans I know and love who live nearby but actually it’s the pit bull named Whitley Gilbert who lives four houses down! 🥰

Me: Our company is going to be here in 30 mins, could you help me get the house ready?Husband: *weedwacks*

A husband at the grocery asked me if the quality of red wine vinegar mattered and I said personally I care more about olive oil and buy cheap vinegar and he shrugged hoping his wife felt the same…If he’s yours and you disagree I’m sorry!

My wife has this special gift where she can extrapolate the worst-case scenario from any situation.

no one: my husband: are you legally allowed to touch a saguaro

My friend told me that while his wife was out of town, he and his kids reorganized the kitchen and bought a new living room couch. He thought it would be a fun surprise. I’ll miss that dude.

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

I’m so pleased the basket I put in the bedroom so my husband has somewhere to put his shoes is making it easier for him to put his shoes next to it.

Is anyone else’s husband a sucker for frivolous purchases? I just sent mine to the grocery store for milk and eggs and he came home with an inflated lobster raft strapped to the roof of the car.

On the next "Unsolved Mysteries" my wife and I investigate how there aren't enough hangers for the clothes we washed when they were on hangers before we wore them.

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